Living the Adventure
Drivenness vs. presence
Have you noticed how it is easy to become driven
about things…anything in fact?
How does drivenness show up in your life? Is it the
intensity with which you approach your work? your
parenting? your vacations? Is it never letting you
rest, despite being exhausted? Are you too busy taking
care of everyone else to take care of yourself? Do
you feel guilty if you stop and take time for you?
You can be driven about work, relationships, money,
children, parenting, starting a business, closing
a business, starting out on your career path, which
university/college to choose, where to go on vacation
– the list is endless.
Have you also noticed that it can be easy to become
driven about something you believe? Have you noticed
how drivenness saps your energy?
Many of us believe that in order to be productive,
we have to be driven. It is the drive that keeps us
going. In fact it is the opposite. Drivenness drains
our energy and keeps us looking to the future. It
robs us of the present moment. When driven, we miss
being thankful for what is right here, right now and
what we can do to affect the future that we long for.
When we are present, we are able to follow the plan
and adapt and adjust to the challenges that come up
along the way. When we are present that ‘still
small voice within’ has the opportunity to be
heard – that ‘still small voice’
that will let us know whether this obstacle is the
one to test our resolve or the one that is encouraging
us to rethink our course. When driven, we can only
experience the need to push through no matter what.
I would like to share a story from a few years ago.
One day, while my children were in school, I was headed
out of town for the day – it was a cold March
morning - and I stopped at the auto store to put a
can of ‘heat’ in my fuel tank. As I walked
back to the car, I noticed this bright yellow puddle
under the car…yep, my radiator had let go. I
remember thinking about how curious and fortunate
I was that this happened right here in town, walking
distance to my house and wondering what my plan would
be. First, I knew I would get my car into the shop
for repair. Then, I had some options: I could either
rent a vehicle and continue as planned with my day
or cancel my appointments and choose a day here at
my home. I chose the latter.
At 12:15pm that day, I received a call from the school
asking me to come down as my youngest daughter had
fallen and hurt her arm in the playground. I told
them I would be there shortly as I did not have a
car and they told me I would need one – I nearly
lost my presence at that moment as I realized it was
probably broken, but school policy prevents them from
making a medical diagnosis. I called one friend, who
was not home, then a second who was. She agreed to
meet me at the school. Indeed it did turn out that
her arm was broken and we spent a very long afternoon
at the clinic as the orthopedic doctor was in surgery.
I look back on that day and know that there was a
reason I did not proceed with my trip out of town.
I did not have a cell phone and neither did my husband.
Had I been driven to move on with my planned day,
we would have been basically out of contact and not
available to our daughter. It was presence and trust
that allowed me to stay home that day, although truthfully,
I could not have articulated that had you asked me
at the time.
In the coaching program I use, we work with Og Mandino’s
bestselling book, The Greatest Salesman in the World
and in scroll III, he talks about persistence. Frequently
this is for people who find it difficult to get up
in the morning, or who are easily defeated, but I
have found another application in recent weeks.
What if we applied persistence to the idea of balance
and self care in our lives, alongside our work ethic
and drive to succeed?
What if we applied the principle of persistence to
being present? How would that affect the relationships
in your life?
If you took care of you – taking time to workout
at the gym, eat healthy food instead of grabbing a
junk food quick meal, kept the commitments to yourself
to lose those extra pounds, make the basketball/softball/football/soccer
game that means so much to your children, keep to
the time agreed that you will be home to your family
and get the rest you need each night – what
would it mean in the bigger scheme of things?
Do any of these ‘reasonable reasons’
(or we can call them excuses) sound familiar to you?
“I have to work long hours to care for my family”
“I have to get the good job at the end of my
studies”
“I need to make sure I keep the job I have –
especially in this economy”
What’s your reasonable reason?
These seem obvious, don’t they? Who wouldn’t
agree with you…and don’t you get a satisfaction
from knowing that you are a hard worker, that you
can do it when others maybe can’t or won’t?
There are long term negative effects of drivenness.
One of the most deadly is health problems related
to stress – another is the eventual burnout,
which may become cyclical – a never ending treadmill.
When it does eventually end, you are usually tired,
resentful and able to justify not doing what needs
to be done every day. This can lead to depression
and despair…however I invite you to consider
another way.
Make a plan to do what is essential and life-giving
each day, stick to the plan to do only as much as
you can do with presence each day in your life putting
the essential things in first. Hug a family member
or friend, give your best in your work and offer a
smile to a stranger for no reason other than they
are there in front of you – you’ll be
amazed how different you feel.
Until next time…
Copyright © 2009 Synchronicity Coaching
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